Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
