What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can text with my tongue
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
