My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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