is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
