I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
