that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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