The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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