it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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