Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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