Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
