There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
