note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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