don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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