you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
this hospital has no fireball
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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