She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
