I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got inside last night via doggy door
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
