Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
