You're my little dorito
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
