As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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