end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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