i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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