YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
