have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
