I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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