Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
