I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
