We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
