I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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