trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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