the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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