Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
