I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
