haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
