Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize