3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
