So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
