Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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