maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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