I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
