guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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