How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
