I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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