I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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