don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
