I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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