Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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