Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize