Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
