I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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