a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
