Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there was a trapeze. enough said
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
