Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I supernannyed him into submission
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
