96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
