That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
