I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
