matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's Friday. Sex?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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