We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
