Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
