one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
