I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
