Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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