i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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