Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
