thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
