I cannot find my penis.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
