I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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