My friends, they love my intelligence
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
