guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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