Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
