if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You pole danced in your parka.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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