Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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