reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
