He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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